Come in, come in!  My valet will take your coat and hat.  I received the note that you were going to call and I have been eagerly anticipating our visit.  Can I offer you some tea….or some coffee perhaps?  I got into the habit of drinking the stuff during a recent sojourn in Paris.  Please!, take a seat. 

You may have noticed that I have some music broadcasting  from the parlor.  These new contrivances are a thing of wonder!  I picked up this device at last year’s World’s Fair.  It can play records without any cranking whatsoever! And to my astonishment, it can flip the record on its very own as well!  Edison has really outdone himself this time.  I shall have to call and congratulate him.  I shall have to call Alex Bell too!

You may be suprised to know that the music you are hearing is none other than my own.  Yes, that is a large portrait of me on the wall as well.  I am, no doubt, a man uncommonly fond of himself.  But let me assure you, there is more than vanity at play here.  My dear friend, there is a method to my madness!  What you are hearing is a sound-recording of a recent rehearsal for the making of my up-coming release.  It is a coarse rendition of what is to come. In expectation of your arrival I purposely started the record as to gauge your response.  You are aware that I am a bachelor and that I spend countless hours with none other than my own company.  Furthermore, an antiquary such as myself can have no clue as to the vogue of the day.  You, my friend, have superior taste and would do me a great service by imparting your honest opinion of these rough sketches of a would-be self-portrait.  How do they strike you then? Go on….   [ Listen ]