A note from the editors:

We are delighted that you have chosen to subscribe to Mister Hazelwood’s periodical.  Many tens of people receive it every day and consider it a reliable and informative source of news, as the definition of the term ‘news’ continues to spiral into ambiguity.  We live in a time of informational freedom.  Mankind has heretofore labored under the delusion of the ‘They’, as some autocratic entity which has the authority to dictate the standards of our culture.  Yet, we have entered into this era of self-reliance.  What once posed as ‘news’ has been widely exposed as sensationalism for the sake of entertainment – for the sake of revenue – for the sake of power and control over those who subscribe to its manipulations.  It is a difficult thing to gauge one’s own perceptions.  We can no sooner do it than we can see our own eyes or touch the tip of our tongues to the tip of our tongues.  The good news (no pun intended) is that we have the individual power of choice to decide what is ‘news’ and to shape our perceptions thusly.  We here at misterhazelwood.com have long-since been deliberately out-of-touch with the supposed goings-on in the world.  We have abandoned the effect and are working from the position of the cause, with the understanding that this is the only way to truly affect change.  It is an illusion that any yesterday can hold even an ounce of the power of this glorious today.  However, with this realization comes the responsibility to refrain from the influence of such devious entities as Fox News, CNN, and others whose primary purpose is to perpetuate fear, ignorance, and self-subordination.  We do not claim any absolute ‘facts’ here as we believe that all things are relative, nor is this periodical to be considered any more than entertainment.  But, we are wholeheartedly in support of your own personal empowerment and hope you will trust us into your feed-reader.

Sincerely,
The New Transcendentalists